Getting Caught Up with my Emails...

My email inbox has become a bottomless pit these past few weeks, so I decided to use part of my day off to get caught up with reading, archiving, and deleting my piled up emails. People forward emails to me all the time, many of which can be very moving or very humorous. I was in the midst of suffering from an acute case of the PLOMs (Poor Little Old Me, that is) due to the ton of email that I was trying to process when I came across this one. I simply had to share it with all of the rest of you who are blessed to have both a dog and a cat in their lives. I hope you laugh as loud and as hard as I did...

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

Dear Diary,
• 6:00 AM: At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
• 8:00 AM: Dog food! My favorite thing!
• 9:30 AM: A car ride! My favorite thing!
• 9:40 AM: A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
• 10:30 AM: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
• 12:00 PM: Lunch! My favorite thing!
• 1:00 PM: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
• 3:00 PM: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
• 5:00 PM: Milk bones! My favorite thing!
• 6:00 PM: They're home! My favorite thing!
• 7:00 PM: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
• 8:00 PM: Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
• 11:00 PM: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

• Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
• Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
• There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
• Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs.
• I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released—and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

There was, unfortunately, no attribution of credit for this incredibly creative and funny piece, so I regret that I cannot give credit where credit is due. But, to whoever you are, thank you for the best laugh I have had in a long, long time!

A Few Days Away with Wiley & Murphy

On Tuesday, May 6th, at 10 AM, I received a call from the kennel where my brother and his wife had put their two collies before leaving for a couple weeks of vacation in England. Murphy, the older dog who just turned 11, had stopped eating and was becoming weaker with each passing day. After consulting with the veterinarian, it was decided that Murphy needed to be brought home to familiar surroundings where hopefully he would start eating again and recover. Realizing that I was the only one with a key and therefore the only one who could take care of Murphy at their house, I worked a 24 hour day through to 10 AM on Wednesday to get all the paperwork done and make all of the necessary arrangements in order for me to leave for a few days. Then I packed my bags, took Wiley with me out to my brother’s house, and brought Murphy home from the kennel. We stayed with him to nurse him back to health until my brother and his wife returned from England on Sunday afternoon. With each passing day he ate a little bit more and regained more and more of his strength. But what really amazed me was the way that my dog Wiley watched over Murphy and helped me take care of him. Everywhere Murphy went Wiley was right there with him. Even when Murphy laid down to rest, Wiley would find a spot right next to him to watch over him and protect him. In the end I think that Wiley did more to help Murphy recover than I did. And as a result of watching the two of them together, I learned a valuable lesson on just how important it is that we simply be there for each other when things aren’t going well. There is no substitute for the presence of loved ones in our lives when we need that extra tender loving care. If our dogs know how to do this, how much more so should we all know the importance of being there for our family and our friends when they need us the most. By Sunday afternoon I realized that Wiley and Murphy had given me something that I hadn’t had been able to get for a long, long time: a few days away to rest and recuperate from some of the stress of my own hectic schedule. As I sat in the yard with them and watched the sun set for the first time in years, I realized just how much I have been missing. In the end, I think they wound up doing more for me than I did for them!